Saying farewell to Heat Culture.
In the NBA, each playoff series loss is a wound. And I’ve came to add some salt to it.
SPORTS hatred DISCLAIMER: The following is the consequence of an enormous amount of “sports hate” exiting my body all at once. It will sound harsh, uncompromising, and probably even unjust. However, “sports hate” differs from true hate in that I have no issues with any of the Heat players, coaches, or supporters because I have never met them in person. Sports allow us to exaggerate our emotions without actually attacking one another, which is what is happening here. I am sure Bam Adebayo is a wonderful man.
The conflict is ended! The Miami Heat has surrendered! The Boston Celtics won! They did it!
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(Spontaneous and wild celebrations break out all around the world, with some inflicting minor property damage.)
The Celtics defeated the Heat so completely that they will be dubbed the “Miami Lukewarm,” because their efforts in Games 3–5 were scarcely scorching. However, they did emit a lot of smoke throughout the process, maybe in an attempt to heat up whatever stew they were preparing so it didn’t taste like sewage.
Was that harsh? I’m granting a three-day grace period to celebrate the Lukewa’s demise. I mean the Heat at the hands of the onward-moving Celtics before somebody spoils the joy. We have the weekend to complete the “job’s not finished” routine. I am not on the squad! It is not necessary for me to have a level head and remain focused on the work at hand; I may just enjoy recklessly, like a 37-year-old mother of two at her younger sister’s baby shower. Is there too much rosé? Maybe, but who knows how many more chances we’ll have to do this.
I’ll just celebrate the win and take the spoils of war: doing the Electric Slide on the gravesite of the 2023-2024 Miami Heat, a team that reeked so strongly of indifference that I grew enraged every time they won. Play the music.
“Wish it could have been four, but we’ll take five.”
That’s Jaylen Brown after Wednesday night’s triumph, demonstrating once more that no one understands Celtics fans’ emotions better than him. In fact, I wished it had been three. Two is an even number. In fact, next time, let’s simply defeat them so badly in Game 1 that the NBA has to impose a playoff series mercy rule if a club wins any game by more than 180 points!
